"Ya Allah, sesungguhnya aku memohon daripada Engkau ilmu yang bermanfaat, rezeki yang baik dan amalan yang diterima"

Thursday, December 30, 2021

Mimpi ma semalam

 Terkejut… mimpi ma for the first time semalam…


Tak pernah mimpi ma… It’s the first time I did.

———-

Aku macam kehilangan sesuatu… lupa dah apa yg aku hilang…

And she help with it… sekampung tolong sebenarnya…


And macam x jumpa apa yg hilang tu, tp mcm the whole kg yg tolong carikan…

Macam tinggal kat rumah papan mok dedulu… tak sure rumah mana masa tu


Tapi bila tringat yg ma dah xde, terus cari dia. 


(I am a lucid dreamer, there are times tht I know I am dreaming so when thigs is bad or not to my liking, I will do/act as I see fit)


Jumpa ma masa dia nak mandi. Tgh berkemban dgn towel mcm keadaan dia masa dia nak pi mandi, lepas balik dari berkebun di taman bunga dia. Tak nampak penat, muka healthy. Tgk background surrounding tu mcm keadaan kat ruang rumah papan mok sebelum turun ke dapur simen. 


Muka ma peluh2 mcm masa lepas dia berkebun… berpeluh2 muka dia. Bahu pun peluh. Nampak sihat… Rambut hitam, lepas bahu sikit. Muka mcm masa duduk rumah papan mok, muka sihat tidak penat, mata yg sebelah yg tak nampak tu, doesnt look as bad so maybe mmg masa tu umur ma masa kami stay rumah mok. Rumah skrg blum ada lagi… 


Aku mcm nak tanya, ma ok? Tp mcm takmo sedihkan dia… macam2 nak tanya tapi tak tertanya. Tapi ingat aku pegang bahu dia… 

Aku lupa apa yg aku tanya tp aku pegang je bahu dia, nak peluk dia kuat2 tp takut dia hilang or takut dia takut(?) rasa pelik (?) 

Rasa nya aku tanya abt finding benda yg hilang tu. Tapi aku tak sempat peluk cium dia πŸ₯΄ tho itulah benda yg aku paling nak buat. Nak peluk cium dia kuat2, nak ckp aku sayang sangat kat dia, nak minta maaf banyak2, tapi aku tak buat semua tu. 


Aku berlagak mcm xde apa2, yg dia masih hidup sbb aku xmo dia hilang masa tu….


Dan kemudiannya terkejut ard 6.30am

—————-

Kebetulan Rita masuk bilik. I am at her home in Subang now…

Talked to her about the mimpi and she gave me this doa sbb xleh solat. Semalam period so xleh baca yassin… mcm few days, sehari dua ni, x baca yassin. Kata Rita boleh je baca tafsir.  Alhamdulillah for that…


Ya Allah!!!! maafkan lah aku… Maaf ma x baca yassin… Miezza pi umrah pun, xde minta dia doakan Ma, ingat nak ckp kat dia tp xde ckp spesific… Allahu…..

Ya Allah…

Semoga bondaku dan keluargaku yg lain sejahtera di sana, berada di taman syurga bersama kesayangan Mu serta bergembira bersama2 orang2 yang beriman serta sentiasa dicucuri rahmat…

Amin ya rabbilalamin❤️




ps// petang semalam, kebetulannya Rita ada share yg kesayangan Ilahi selepas selesai urusan kubur akan berada di taman syurga, akan berjumpa kenalan dan ingat semuanya. Mungkin itupun pencetus katanya. Tho deep in my heart, I think it was because I aku risau psl Takaful MOC which I have yet to achieved and tomorrow is the last day for me to achieve it. Masa Ma ada ❤️, aku tau doa dia makbul, so boleh je minta dia doakan, tp skrg dia dah xde, siapa lagi yg boleh doakan utk terus diterima Allah? 


So aku mimpi kan Ma is more about me, and not about her sbb dia looks healthy, muda, gembira, muka dia nampak happy, tak penat pun tho tolong carikan benda yg hilang tu.  


Am I gonna lose my Takaful license? If I do, I am gonna be so devastated!!!


Ya Allah,

Mudahkan lah urusan aku, hanya Takakfullah sahaja jalan yang  aku lihat buat masa ini, yg membolehkan bondaku tidak risau akan kami 3 beradik… 

Semoga bonda kami serta Mok, Chek, Ayah Lik, Ayah Da, Wanie serta keluarga ku yang lain sedang bergembira dan sejahtera di taman syurga mu Ya Allah…

Aku rindu bondaku 😘😘😘

Ma tunggu yer, duduk elok2, jangan risaukan kami❤️

Semoga sejahtera semuanya.


Amin ya rabbπŸ’•

Wednesday, November 17, 2021

Restart: D1

Just ate half of these

Tuesday, November 16, 2021

Day1? Maybe…

Sent from my iPhone

Sunday, September 26, 2021

Day 29: Salam Ma

Nampak nya bunga akan berkembang lagi dia rumah baru Ma❤️

Saturday, September 11, 2021

Salam Ma

Dapat tadi paginya, your D2 told me. She got the saMe.


Words hurt! Simple sorry won’t do…

Time heals, so you just have to wait… for now.


And she came back but NEVER utter a word to us…

Well, actions speak louder than wordsπŸ˜‘










Updated: 12092021 € 0526 for the screenshot 

Salam Ma


Alhamdulillah, hari ni pepagi semua anak Ma 3 beradik dapat berkunjung melawat Ma bersama gd3. 


Dah lama tak pergi bersama♥️

  

Izzh3 pun join sekali. Izzh4 tak sempat nak join. Katanya tgk2 dah pergi… 


Nampak banyak sungguh semut kat daun2 kat pokok Ma. 

Mesti tgh berzikir utk Ma skali tu kan…❤️


Friday, September 10, 2021

Salam Ma…

Alhamdulillah, pagi tadi dapat jugak melawat rumah baru Ma bersama Izzl3, izzh3 & izzh4. 

Ramai jugak yg kesana di pagi Jumaat, tapi Ma ada tetamu istimewa, anak buluS lebat ikut jugak tadi…. Senyap je dia, harap berzikirlah jua utk Ma ❤️



Tadi lepas Isyak pun anak2 Ma ber3 dpt sama2 membaca Yassen utk Ma.  

Alhamdulillah. 



Cerita semalam harus dilupakan, yang pasti I'm not sure whts gonna happen but I'll just let it be… 

Owh ya, tadi during Weekly Meeting Sixma; selepas balik dr rumah baru Ma; KakNik asked wht's my take of today's ITQAN dalam KERJA. 

I just can't talk Ma, bcos below is mine

"Priority terhadap IBU sepanjang zaman. Keberkatan dr IBU itu penting…


Kalau IBU dah tiada, banyakkan baca quran, sedekah etc utk dpt keberkatan."




Sent from my iPhone

Dear Ma,

 I’ve read this HERE on Signs & Symptoms of Intermittent Explosive Disorder



Maybe I should be more undertaking, but I can’t just forget the words she said. 

Words could always cut you deeper than sword ⚔️ . 

That’s the reason I usually, always hold myself in SocMed.

But still… It hurts so much Ma…


I don’t think D3 and me would ever forget the words she coughed up to our face, with her finger pointing to our face!

What we said so wrong that could cause such rage? Such hatred? 

Does she bottled up so much issues in her, just waiting for the right moment to let it go?

I did asked her Ma… but the “darah” thingy came out of her.

I did said that we only have each other in this world. 

That will always puzzled me…

But I guess, she has everything she needs and no one else matters…





Salam Ma

 I was nearly posting this Ma, with the caption of 

No. 5: What if that person if your own family member? Then again, she did said “Dalam darah aku takde setitik pun darah kau!!!”




…. in response to this πŸ‘‡πŸΎ. Why do I have to be a bigger person, always? 

Aren’t I allowed to post all these shits as well? Butuh kan my makNgah?



I am 46 now, I have no luxury dealing with all these negativity…

And I’ve lost you, Ma. What else is there in life then?


Thursday, September 9, 2021

Maaf Ma

 But I  can’t just forget her words


“DARAH AKU XDE SETITIK PUN DARAH KAU!!!”



Salam Ma sayang…

 Rupanya A Ceneh yg datang, Alhamdulillah…


Maaf Ma,

Hari ni tidak berkesempatan mengunjungi rumah baru Ma. 

Kereta D3 masih di workshop. Kereta D2 tidak berfungsi. Basikal Ma pun xleh dikayuh. Kena baiki nampaknya…


Buat pertama kalinya, tidak berjumpa Ma dirumah baru. 

Harap Ma tak sedih.  InshaAllah harap bacaan yassin setiap hari tiada noktahnya…

Aaminnnnn…


Oh ya. D1 dah balik selepas maghrib tadi. I guess gd3 bersama nya tadi. Tak sure tho if gd2 is with her.

Semua masuk dalam bilik Ma. Senyap.


Tadi D2 membaca yassin keseorangan, tidak seperti kebiasaan. Bersama anak2 & cucu Ma.

Maaf lagi Ma. 


Is it my fault? Should I have just hold my anger? But I have my conscience intact Ma.

I believe she NEVER said she has ONLINE class. gd2 & gd3 were discussing on UIA comment and we are all getting ready to go out just after tht, whereby I just had my zohor.

Ma sayang…

 Izzah1 just told me gd2 has left the house with a girl friend.

Should I tell the mom or not?

Ma sayang…

 It’s been 12 days  since you left us…

It’s hard… we had a bloody big row today. 

It was between me & you beloved gd2; then it’s escalated with the involvement of D1 & D3.

Sedihnya ma…


Parah nya hati ni fikir, macamana bleh terfikir di benak fikirannya, sampai ke situ sekali pemikirannya.


D1 left the house with gd3, I talked to gd2; but she just gave me the hands…


I just do not know what to do. Do not know how to talk to her. 


She ber AKU ENGKAU with her mom, siapalah kami ni plak…


I asked her afterwards, with the absents of her mom & gd3;


Why?


Kenapa perlu marah smpai mcm tu? Kenapa perlu benci satu dunia?


What did we do wrong? What makes her so mad with the whole world?


I just cant get through her Ma… 

Even when d3 talked tru the wall, she just ignored us…


In the end, 

I just let it be…

She just wana be ALONE in this world I guess…

We both [me & d3] are nothing to her…



Friday, July 30, 2021

Life aint suck!

 I am just suck at it!!!


 this is how I feel at this moment…

It’s the 2nd last day of the month

Yeah…And I havent done anything yet.


R’s proposal, yet to submit the requirement. Well, actually requirement hasnt come out yet but I know which report should be submitted and should have done that last week.

So many things to do. Thats not NEWS!!!!

Been on movies marathon for so many weeks now, months even! 

Should have get myself on tracks by now! Well, should have done that months before actually.


Should have do that!


Should have do this!


Should have done that!


Should have done this!


Story of m4kcik’s life!!!

Tuesday, July 20, 2021